The Banjo Minnow..A Genetic Response!!!!!

Mama, don't you give all the lard away,

Save some up for a rainy day...

---Some '20s or '30s jug band whose name I can't recall


A co-worker has come up with a new and interesting use of the word "display," that being as a way to describe some kind of intolerable public behavior. It is most commonly used among my co-workers to point out a particularly disgusting bit of ass-kissing, and those of you who have been here a while know how I feel about that. "Look at that Display," he will say (I like to capitalize it in this usage), and everyone will stop what they are doing and look over in hopes of catching a little bit of the ass-kissing or other shameless behavior, though I cannot bear to look at such things anymore if I can at all avoid it. I guess 30-some years of my line of work have left me with a sort of "thousand-yard stare" when it comes to ass-kissing and that sort of thing.

But this is a bit different from that, in fact a lot different, but I found it nearly as disgusting.

I was in some food court deep in the wretched bowels of O'Hare Airport, eating some "food" that alleged to be Chinese curry but tasted more like canned vegetables in a sauce whipped up from a bit of jimson weed and 40-weight motor oil. (Fuck those little baby corns...who the hell grows them, and why?) As I was trying to choke this stuff down, I noticed the arrival of a spectacularly beautiful miniskirted young woman. I am sorry to point out that I noticed, but that's the way it is. Ever see the old commercials for the Banjo Minnow, a lure that supposedly invokes a "genetic response" in fish that actually forces them to hit at it whether they want to or not? There is a genetic response in males to the arrival of such women, and I have always assumed there is a similar genetic response in women to the arrival of comparably attractive males, but I can only make an educated guess that it's the case there too.

The trick is, of course, that at my age, the initial genetic response passes within a brief moment of having the Banjo Minnow appear before me.

So that's what happened here. I noticed her, then went on about the business of eating my dismal, shitty $16 meal (did I say "fuck those baby corns?" If not, I am saying it now), and all would have been forgotten had she not then sat down at one of the tables directly across from me and immediately assumed a very immodest pose that made clear to the world that she'd "forgotten" to put anything on under this embarrassingly short skirt.

It seemed as if every male within 60 yards noticed this right away (genetic response! The Banjo Minnow people are right!), and if I am not mistaken there was a little jostling for seating of the unobstructed view variety, especially among the young, available males.

I probably had the best seat in the house for this, but I am sorry (or glad, as the case may be) to report that my reaction to this was utter and total revulsion. All I could think of was my co-worker saying "Look at that Display" with complete disgust, and that was how I felt about it. I am sorry, people, but I am not interested in seeing your private parts while I am trying to eat, whether it be good food or bad food, and whether you be a Banjo Minnow-type female, a drill sergeant or whatever.

So it was kind of funny because I was very obviously averting my eyes. While everyone else seemed to be totally drawn to this Display, I was busy reading restroom signs, checking out the offerings at the other food stands in hopes of getting something marginally edible next time I was there, reading the back of the newspaper being read by a woman who was sitting near me (and who clearly was not interested in the Banjo Minnow Display).

I could be wrong about this, but I could not help but get the feeling that this Banjo Minnow person was thoroughly enjoying putting on this Display. Or maybe that's just a guy thing left over from my youth, during which I imagined that a lot of women thoroughly enjoy tormenting men by doing things like this in public. And I was determined not to fall into this trap, if it indeed was a trap. Besides, sorry, but the food was unappetizing enough on its own without the added side dish of having to look at all that.

I have had Zelig-like tendencies throughout my life for some reason, meaning that I seem to be present when all sorts of monumental or ridiculous things happen, and had I been, say, 21 at this time of this Banjo Minnow sighting I would have thought of little else for, say, the next 18 months or so.

That was then and this is now, to coin a phrase. I am not 21 anymore, and maybe it is selfish of me to wish away events like this, which are the sort of thing many young fellows' dreams are made of. So please - please - if you want to show your goods to the world for some crazy reason, do it elsewhere and let me get indigestion in peace.

Indigestible baby corns and unfettered viewing of something that should not be seen in public do not make for a fine dining experience, especially for a world-weary person like myself.

(For those who have never seen the commercial...this is NOT an endorsement, and there will be no underwearless women in this link):

https://www.asseenontvnetwork.com/vcc/tristar/banjominnow/133257/

By the way, that is not me in the illustration at the beginning of the blog. I have no idea who it is, but I must say it looks like someone who has been reeled in a time or two. As if that isn't the case with all of us who live and breathe on this fucking Earth.